Question by Kyle: psychic help. I need a free love reading.?
My relationship with my ex is over I wonder if we will ever be friends or if its completely over.
Answer by Parakeetmaker
As a heavily overqualified psychic of some twenty trillion years experience, here is my completely and totally unbiased professional opinion:
You were born Aptl-Watl-Zef eight trillion years ago under the reign of the first Emperor of the Galaxy. Under the crushing military strength of the Emperor’s battle ships, all other empires and protectorates had been utterly vanquished. After millions of years of war, the peoples of the Galaxy now wanted to re-build their shattered planets. In some cases, some planets had literally been split in two. This is how asteroids formed.
However, the Emperor had no interest in reconstruction. His sights had turned to yet more conquests. The Kingdom of Narxis had been a thorn in the Emperor’s side for some years. Based several thousand light years from the Galaxy, it had long been beyond the reach of the Empire’s Legions of Mega-Cannons. However, recent developments in the Department of Magica meant that the reach of the Emperor’s Ships of Strength had been raised by two hundred thousand light years. On hearing of these advancements, the Emperor immediately began preparations for Total Madness…
The first indication of the Emperor’s plans came when a major border outpost in Open Space, belonging to the Narxis, disappeared. Naturally, there was great panic amongst the peoples of Narxis when the news broke. They knew that only one power would dare commit such aggressive acts: the Emperor’s elite Carrot Crunchers…
Within hours, the armies of Narxis had been raised to defend their people. Unfortunately, several more orbital stations had already been annihilated since the first battle. Fear was causing many Narxissians to flee to the hills, where they hoped the attacks would not spread. There was worry though because there was far from enough food for so many to shelter there for long. In fact, the government of Narxis had already relocated to the Emergency Bunker to ensure that a surprise attack on the homeworld would not cause a complete collapse.
Other forces had not been idle though. The secret agents of Narxis, based in the Emperor’s own palaces, had been sent their coded messages through the fabric of space to act. Without hesitation (some were robots) they acted.
Suddenly, the cavernous portals of the palace sealed shut. The regular guards thought nothing of this. The portals would often shut without warning at the command of their superiors. But then, the light turned out. Immediately, the guards rushed to check what was happening, but their communicators had stopped working too. Then, seconds later, everything turned on again, but the Emperor was nowhere to be seen.
The disappearance of the Emperor naturally caused the offensive on Narxis to cease. A long period of peace reigned for the next twenty thousand years. Until, the Emperor was found again…
Oh, and Aptl-Watl-Zef was a used Electro-Chariot merchant in the backwater territory of Sevaragan. He made a reasonable living. So, in conclusion, yes, you should sell your circus.
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